Monday, April 8, 2013

Runaway Groom, or Marry me New Yorker!

 "Chris, will you take Alice to be your wife, your partner in life and your one true love?" Silence. "Where is Chris?"...
  Remember the movie " Runaway Bride" with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. Julia plays a bride who is breaking up the weddings and running away from her grooms. I know exactly how her grooms felt as I was in their place. I could never imagine running after men, or asking them for anything. My lawyer told me straight-forward if I wanted to stay in United States, I should marry for love. He also told me that he would not accept a fake marriage. It was my second day after my release from the immigration prison. I guess I was still in the state of shock. I took my phone and looked at my contacts. I didn't have a boyfriend, but I had a list of men who I was dating on and off. I chose 5 potential fiancees and called my first potential candidate. Let's call him Andrew. We had a small talk, and I asked him to marry me explaining my situation. There was a 3 minute silence on the other end. Then Andrew burst into laugh. He said nobody proposed to him before, and he liked me, but he was not ready to get married to anyone, especially under such short notice. I was laughing too. Of course, it was a ridiculous idea. I was definitely desperate to get my Green Card. But what could I do in this situation? My friend recommended me a lawyer who was specializing into my type of cases. That lawyer suggested that I would do a political asylum. To be honest, that was a terrible idea. I had no reasons to ask for an asylum, and I had no real choice to get it approved. But I had my master hearing scheduled in two months and no fiancee. So I decided to take a chance and made a case for a political asylum. I was thinking it was temporary, just to win some time to find a real love here. Ha! Naive girls pay double price. I got myself into a really "bad political romance" and increasing financial expenses.  My political asylum request got accepted, and my next hearing was scheduled in 2 years. Yes, this is New York, and judges are really busy people. So I got plenty of time to find a fiancee. In few months, I got a nice boyfriend, but it did not work out. We broke up after 4 months, because I got a feeling that he would never marry me. Of course, it was all in my head. The biggest obstacles in our lives are the barriers our mind create. Once you realize it, you are on your way to success. My other boyfriend was a wealthy man who was previously divorced and had a child. I didn't really want to get married to him. And so I did not marry him...Probably, the best choice that I made in my life.

What I learned from this New York experience:

*Nobody owns you anything. Everybody works hard to make a living in New York. And they expect you to do the same. You can make it here, but never take people for granted.  They can forgive your success, but will never forget your disrespect. World is a small place.We are all connected.

*Don't ask anyone for anything, and especially from people who are stronger and more powerful than yourself. Make them want to give you. You will feel much better if you earn their respect, but not their sympathy.

*Never feel sorry for yourself. Once you start feeling sorry, you are done. You are digging the grave of pithiness. You might get some "funeral flowers" from your closest friends, but even they forget you soon. People usually look for positive moments, nobody wants to be dragged into your problems. 

*If you are confused and don't know what to do, start moving forward. You will come with a good decision on the way up. It's like a pilot who is lost in the clouds and can't see a clear road, always flies his plane higher, above the clouds. So he can see clear and find the right way.

*Hey, don't take life too seriously:) Cheer up!


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